I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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