This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
