What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
