I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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