I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
