I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
