Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
