Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
