then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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