My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
