Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
