4 words: hood of his car
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
