what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
