Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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