the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
