She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
