We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
