how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
