You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
