Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
