STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
