I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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