Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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