I puked a lego.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
