Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
