you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
