I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
