Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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