I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
