Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
