Pants 0. Shit 1.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Are we still banned from the library?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
