my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
