The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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