He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You've changed since you got that strap on
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