barbara walters just said penis...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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