Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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