my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
