Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
