david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
