i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
