Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
