"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
