I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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