also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I want is dick and wine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
