i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
