The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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