If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
