dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
