Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
