so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
