so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
