I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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