yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
