I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
