I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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