last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
